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What Happens When We Die?

29 July 2014/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

What happens when we die, a young boy asked his mother?

Mother replied; “we turn to dust.”

The boy contemplated this fact for a while and replied:

“Mum, I think there’s someone either coming or going under my bed !”

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2014-07-29 08:57:172014-07-29 08:57:17What Happens When We Die?

Football in Heaven –

10 July 2014/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike.”

“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”

“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”

“Joe! Where are you?”

“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.

“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired.”

That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?

“You’re in the team for this Saturday!!!”

 

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2014-07-10 07:37:362014-07-10 07:37:36Football in Heaven –

A Grave Story

23 April 2014/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads “Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827”. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.

When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group.  Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

“I would have thought it was obvious” the caretaker says. “He’s decomposing.”

 

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2014-04-23 10:39:142014-04-23 10:39:14A Grave Story

A Timely Round…

21 February 2014/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2014-02-21 06:59:082014-02-21 06:59:08A Timely Round…

His Last Note

1 January 2014/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it.
The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE.

 

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2014-01-01 16:33:312014-01-01 16:33:31His Last Note

An Impressive Funeral Procession

9 November 2013/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. 
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. 
The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: Read more

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2013-11-09 18:54:382013-11-09 18:54:38An Impressive Funeral Procession

Flowers and Funerals

19 October 2013/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

A new business had started up and a friend of the budding entrepreneur decided to send a bunch of flowers to mark the occasion. A large bunch of cream and white flowers arrived. The owner opened the card, which read: ‘Rest in Peace.’ Read more

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Man Playing Golf

17 October 2013/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

A man and his friend are playing golf at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. Read more

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2013-10-17 18:28:572013-10-17 18:28:57Man Playing Golf

God’s problem now!

29 August 2013/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

His wife’s graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2013-08-29 07:58:592013-08-29 07:58:59God’s problem now!

A True Story

1 May 2013/in Humorous Stories/by Jean

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, Read more

https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg 0 0 Jean https://www.circleoflifecelebrations.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/CoLC-logo.jpg Jean2013-05-01 11:48:512013-05-01 11:48:51A True Story
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Jean is a OneSpirit minister & celebrant near Horsham. She creates & helps people plan loving and heartfelt ceremonies to mark life’s milestones.

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